I find I have to remind myself not to pick up
everything. I don’t have to clear off
the counter. I don’t have to fold all the laundry. I don’t have to take out the
trash. I didn't think it would be this hard to keep from doing things. It seems
habitual to clear the counters, whether I need the counter space or not.
Laundry is easy to forego because I abhor folding laundry.
The trash can is a conundrum.
On the one hand, everyone uses the thing and contributes to
its contents therefore it is a household responsibility. On the other hand, how
long must I endure a filthy, stinky, overflowing trashcan before someone else
finally decides to do something about it?
That’s what I was faced with today. Remember those veggies V
chucked after they’d been out all night? They, of course, found their way to
the top of the bin. That wouldn't have normally bothered me so much had the
trash not already been practically overflowing; so much so that I removed the
swinging lid to be able to actually throw anything else away. Naturally this was also the morning that F
decided to cook himself some eggs for breakfast. Since the disposal isn't
working the shells are added to the mountain along with whatever bits and
pieces I discard from making lunches.
Miraculously, V was up and about before we left for school.
He walked into the kitchen just as I delicately balanced some scrap of
lunchtime rubbish on the heap that used to be an ordinary trash receptacle. I turned back to complete school lunch
preparation and heard, behind me, the sound of the trash bag being gathered.
This is another place I am torn. I was happy and grateful at
that moment, and slightly worried. V’s health is what no man under 30 should be
experiencing. However he does things around the house even if it causes him
discomfort or even pain. I love my husband and I don’t want him hurting. But I
can’t do this all on my own and I don’t think I should constantly have to ask
for help.
He took the loaded trash bag out to the alley dumpster and
returned, huffing and puffing (you would too if you were on a 30 day heart
monitor) and placed replaced the bag.
I didn't even say “Thank you.”
Is this experience worth the guilt? Should I be feeling
guilty at all? I honestly don’t know.
I don't think you should feel guilt at all. V's health may limit him to certain physical activities but he isn't paralyzed. And honestly, some movement would be good for him, In my opinion. I know you must be torn but I think you are doing a great thing, for yourself as well as everyone else in your household. We all need to do the best we can to care for ourselves as well as the people depending on us and you are completely correct in that you can't do it all yourself.
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